I need you to do something for me. A dear friend of mine wants to commit suicide. I can’t let her do that. I wouldn’t be able to function without her.
If you would care if she was gone, could you like this and reblog it? You could save a life!! I’m begging you, I can’t lose her!!
I’m planning on showing this to her soon. I don’t know how long she can hang on. So to all my followers, Can you help me? Please?
On a personal note, I myself have attempted suicide. Not once, but many times, and in various ugly ways. I have had to have my godbrother pull me out of the way from an oncoming car when he was barely old enough to understand why a little girl would want to kill herself. I have downed bottles of pills like they were candy, thinking “At least relief will be here soon.” only to be forced to throw them up and feel the EXCRUCIATING pain that comes with spending so much time with someone watching my every move as I threw them up, making sure I wouldn’t try something else to harm myself. I’ve been that girl, the quiet nerdy one sitting in a police ward of a hospital psych room, next to a woman with no teeth, telling me that I shouldn’t want to die, that at least I had youth, health, and teeth, after I attempted to kill myself for the 23rd time in my life. I was only 24 at that time. Believe me, killing yourself isn’t the easy way, it isn’t the hard way, it’s the worst way. Life is painful, that’s part of what makes people like US, the ones who wanted to die the most, so damn precious. Because we saw the darkest shadows of life, and survived so we could recognize when its beauty was right in front of us. You can only really appreciate something beautiful if you’ve known something ugly to compare it to. This feeling that you’re having that leads you to want to die, that’s the severe ugly trying to prepare you so you’ll notice the absolute beautiful that’s going to walk into your life some day. It could be in the way that you feel about yourself in the future, where you turn around and look in a mirror and say “Man, 5 years ago, I felt like a HORRIBLE human being, and today, I feel GOOD inside, like I’m glowing.” and you’ll know its true because you now have this past experience to compare that feeling to. It could be in the form of a new relationship. Not just a boyfriend or something like that, those come by many times in our lives, no. I mean the MOMS and Dads and Uncles and Aunts and grandparents and friends who were there for the ugliest of our hours, who finally get to see us be healthy and possibly happy. Imagine how much BRIGHTER those relationships will be once you move through this and don’t hurt yourself. Think about the lives you might actually save some day. Listen, while I didn’t succeed at killing myself, my uncle Raffy did. It kills my mom every single day. My grandmother can’t breathe sometimes, she just remembers him and clutches her heart in absolute pain and tries so hard not to cry. My grandfather died very soon after Uncle Raffy died. Did you know that studies have shown that some parents DON’T survive their kids death? That the absolute pain of losing something and someone they love so much, is so overbearing it weighs on their heart and it just gives out? Death doesn’t solve anything, it just takes away more and more. Friends will have a hard time walking by a locker or store, or movie display without thinking “Remember when _____ and I hung out here? Remember how she laughed at that ridiculous part in the movie? I didn’t think anyone could laugh that hard.” and that BITTER aching feeling that is left for them to handle after you’re gone. It’s painful. Suicide doesn’t HEAL, it causes more wounds and more sores, and sometimes, sadly, it creates a domino effect. You never know just how MUCH you mean to the right person, until you try to hurt yourself, but once you do, there is NO turning back, and that right person suffers forever.
Now lets talk about if you attempt it and survive it. Being locked up in that police ward of the psych hospital is not fun. The look that the doctors give AFTER when you’re in a regular hospital or doctors visit and they look at your chart, is not fun. It becomes a creepy secret that you have two choices on how to tackle. Be open and honest, but people don’t always like hearing it, or be silent and let them guess why on their own, which leads to shallow assumptions. Neither option is very fun. So why go through that pain? Also, scarring. If you attempt it by cutting and it doesn’t work, you’re going to be in A GREAT deal of pain, and there will be tissue scarring left to always remind you. If you attempt pills and it doesn’t work, it could severely harm your liver and possibly other organs too, leading a very painful situation in the future. Hanging can leave burns on the neck from the rope and scar you, plus your neck might not break so you’d just suffer through being strangled for who knows how long. NONE, AND I MEAN NONE, OF THE METHODS ARE PAINLESS, NONE OF THEM ARE FAILPROOF, AND NONE OF THEM FIX ANYTHING.
People still end up missing you. People end up in debt over funerals. People end up blaming themselves… and what about your problem? Did it go away or does it now sit there unresolved, for eternity? Cheat sheet answer? It sits. Unresolved. FOREVER. Because if you kill yourself, who is there to fix the problem? No one. Problems don’t go away with death. They really don’t. If you’re being bullied for example, if you kill yourself, and everyone knows you were being bullied, then they blame that bully forever, they resent the bully. But what if the bully wasn’t the core reason that you killed yourself? Then the people that YOU love, are hurting, resentful, angry at someone who didn’t actually trigger it, and even if that bully were the reason you wanted to, what if next year that bully changes because they lose someone they love, or grow up, or survives something painful. What if that bully suddenly becomes a good person? Then you killed yourself over something temporary, while your death would be permanent. You’d have missed out on SO MUCH LIVING, over one thing. One painful thing yeah. But at the end of the day, it’s one thing. Why let one thing conquer everything? Think about it. This earth has so many things happening to it ALL of the time, right? Global warming, corruption, pollution, oil spills, people walking all over it. That’s a lot of stuff. But the earth also has green grass, snow, rain, blue skies, clouds, sunlight, flowers, hummingbirds, SO many pretty and happy things. They’re small details but they’re there. Now, if the earth let all the pollution and badness take over, and used it as a reason to end it’s existence, what would happen to all of those things? Think of yourself as a planet too. You may not believe it, but just as many bad things may be happening to you, but just as many good things, little details, are almost certainly happening. Your friend, the hummingbird, posted this because you are her planet, and she needs you just as much as you need her. Nothing ever works alone in this world. You also have flowers, every single person who has reposted this, is your flower. You have grass and blue skies, people who love you in such a huge way that they cover every surface of you. You’re loved. And this pain is temporary, I swear.
I was raped, abused, treated like a commodity by relatives. I was the nerdy overweight girl in school whose friends treated me like I was useful when they needed me but wouldn’t fathom hanging out with me amongst their COOL friends. I was the girl at home reading tons of books and wondering where the hell my life was headed. I entered college early, I made some friends, life got a little better, but I still felt alone. Eventually, I grew to face my fears, demons, and all the ugly feelings inside me, and just shake my head at them. “No, not today. You can’t have my mind and heart today. I won’t feel bad. Today is a pretty day and I’m going to live it to the fullest.” and sometimes that mentality was hard to have, required more energy than I had, but it HAD to be done. Eventually it got to a point where I didn’t HAVE to say or think that to myself. I’d wake up instinctively and just feel good. That’s how I know it’s getting better. There are still hard days, but honey, that happens to every human being in existence. It shows us we’re still alive. I’m now happily married to a guy just as nerdy as I am, whose mom and dad treat me like a princess. My own parents and I communicate better than we ever had (we used to fight A LOT), and I’m starting new things. If you hurt yourself, you’ll never know what you could have had that is so amazing. Not to mention, what happens to your hummingbird? Where do your grass and skies go if you’re not there anymore?
Just think about it. Is one ugly thing really worth destroying so much beauty and love over?